The following is my first chapter of a project I’ve been wanting to complete for my one and only daughter for many years now. I’m calling it “ABC’s for Anna” and it’s simply about life and my advice to my sweet girl who is becoming a woman.
My dear Anna,
Oh, how I wish that long ago I’d learned the freedom that comes with acceptance. I don’t mean settling or embracing the status quo. It doesn’t mean not to hope or pray, either. Accept means “to receive heartily, to welcome” and ”to accept favorably or receive to oneself”, according to Webster. To me, it also means to fully accept the facts of our life, to be as strategic as possible with the circumstances we’re given or have created, and with gratitude living our life to the fullest.
I had a bit of hard time with this when you and your brothers were toddlers. It’s hard to imagine that now, but because I’d not fully accepted my role…and all the laundry that role entailed, I felt overwhelmed. I sometimes got really down that I wasn’t doing more or doing anything “important”. Being a stay at home mom can feel monotonous and thankless at times, especially when you do not recognize the magnitude of being a mommy. Sometimes, in those moments it’s hard to see beyond the laundry pile and dirty diapers.
Moms often forget the incredible contribution they are making in the world and lose sight of how important that job is. I thought I had to be more, but I was so wrong. As parents we get to create a legacy that can last generations! I wouldn’t trade these years raising my children for ANYTHING. I guess it’s easier to see the preciousness of it all when your find yourself nearer the empty nest than to the cradle. What I would give to be able to rewind for a day of being mobbed by 4 pairs of toddler arms and let you wrestle me to the ground!
Honey, always stay in the moment you are in, and appreciate it all you can. Enjoy and also keep your priorities in line. When we try to be everything to everyone (saying yes to to many things) we can become exhausted and frustrated. When you have children-POOF-you are now the proud owner of a career as homemaker, cook, life coach, bottlewasher, story teller, boo boo kisser, and chauffeur, etc. Accept and embrace it! With families, we become CEO’s of our own little companies. Wishing you felt important is such a waste of good energy…just know, when the time comes, that you ARE. Rest in the wonder and even in the occasional chaos of one day being everything you can be to your future family. Life is full of seasons and I encourage you to find contentment in whatever season you’re in.
Right now you are a student and your job is to do well in school. It gets pretty monotonous while you work hard to earn those A’s! Getting your education is such a great time in your life. Believe me, there are times I wish I could do school over again and embrace the joy of learning! I took it for granted. One day, far too soon, you’ll have a job or go to school and possibly meet the man you will one day marry.
Always remember, your husband and babies will have only you to come to for what they need most, for what God has designed them to need from you, as wife and mommy. You have the immense blessing of providing for those needs: emotional, physical, and spiritual. If we don’t fulfill our role, they might either A) never get it (love, attention, acceptance, nurturing, security, soul food, guidance, and a sense of belonging) or B) look elsewhere for it.
It’s a sobering thought. Once I realized that it made me feel like Super Woman. Being a mom is AMAZING! It’s more important than we could ever imagine. I see that clearly now. It is also the one role in life that, when all is said and done, we will want the fewest regrets as humanly possible. I’ve spent a lot of time as a mom thinking with the end in mind (basically, how well equipped you and your brothers will be for life when you leave home one day), and I hope you will too.
All along this journey of life, I’ve experienced the challenge of accepting what is. When your “younger by 1 minute” brother was finally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, after so many years of struggling to find answers, it took me a long time to face the facts and become strategic in my mindset. I guess it’s just a personality thing. I know many women who can cut to the heart of things pretty quickly and analyze it until they nail it. I tend toward a Pollyanna mindset, which can be great, but can also delay accepting the cards we’re dealt.
Honestly, Anna, as I finally put this project into serious motion, my words to you will only be a formality-letters of love from my heart. You have amazed me over and over since you’ve become a teenager. Seriously. I’ve told you more than once that, at 14, you are already far more woman than I was even in my 20′s. It’s incredibly humbling and astounding to me the young woman you are. You are strong, focused, talented, loving, mature, clear-minded, independent, creative, intelligent, and you know not only where you stand, but where you are going in life. I can only thank God for the incredible girl you’ve always been and the very special woman you are becoming. I could never have believed so long ago that we would share such an amazing bond. Truly, I have been blessed beyond measure and am so privileged to be your mom.
So, whatever happens in your life, take inventory, accept the facts, and change what you can. (Mostly that will mean asking God to change you or enhance your perspective!)
What cannot be changed, face with courage.
Most importantly, cherish every good thing that IS. Life is such a wonderful gift!
Never forget how much I love you!
~Mom
